In a few minutes, I'll leave for Fox Chase to get the papilloma removed from the floor of my mouth. I feel apprehensive, see clouds, hear hoofbeats. So far, I've been pretty steady and present-focussed as we plowed through the process and today, walking in the woods on a lovely cool morning, I noticed a touch of-what is that feeling?-I guess it's fear.
Perhaps the feeling is a little bit about the procedure itself (cutting something out of my mouth) and a bit about the recurrence of the lump under my jaw and the shooting pains in the ear. I seem to hear my speech getting thicker and my tongue less agile too. Maybe I've been denying all this and today my denial permit is about to expire.
An old friend of mine always advises feeling what you're feeling, so I'll let the fear dance around and see what happens. Stay tuned.